It's been ages since I wore a tutu. They are so fun, girly, and playful. They always make me feel amazing. Even just the way they sway as you move feels like magic. What's not to love about wearing a tutu? I think I'd live in them if I could!

This whole outfit is so very me. It's everything I used to dream of wearing as a child, but was never allowed to. My mum hates light pink and she loves simple, understated, high quality elegant things in dark colours. She thought these sorts of outfits were tacky. Plus she said I was too fat to wear this sort of thing anyway. My mum, bless her, was always fat-shaming me in the hope that I would grow up to be slim. Speaking of which, I am going to really open up to you guys about my life story with fat-shaming, body-shaming, extreme school bullying, etc. And how I deal with that trauma, and have managed to do all the things that everybody always said I couldn't do because I was too fat and too ugly...

I didn't realize how much I had to say, until I started writing the post a few days ago. So I decided not to include that as part of this post. Instead, I will do a whole separate post just on that. Maybe I will do it in two parts. It's the story I meant to tell you when I founded the Unconditional Body Beautiful project, but then I couldn't tell my story. It hurt too much. But I feel ready now. 

It took every inch of my strength to get these photos done. I'm still struggling with vertigo, like I told you about in my last post. My friend who took these photos for me was worried because I kept losing my balance and she was scared I was literally going to fall over. Thank God I didn't fall over and she managed to get some good photos done. My friend said it was best if we didn't get any head shots because I looked so unwell. Meh. Like I also said in my previous post, I don't know how not to be an open book, but I've also been blessed with the strength to smile with a sparkle in my eye no matter what. To be able to give joy and protection to others, even if I myself am suffering.

I'm just so worried about so many things right now. I am worried about the situation that's going on in London at the moment. So much political upheaval. I had been thinking about going back by the end of this year, or early next year, because I miss my mum so much, and she's getting older and her health is declining. However, looking at how things are in London at the moment, I'm thinking it's best if I stay in Madrid. I'm going to try to convince my mum to move out here - which won't be easy, because she loves London and it's been her home for over forty years.

The London I am hearing about in the news these days has nothing to do with the London I grew up in, and it really, really breaks my heart. Maybe it was the multi-cultural bubble I lived in. Maybe the fact that I pass for 'white' because I got my dad's white skin, instead of my mum's brown skin, made me not-so-aware of the racism that was being shuved under the carpet. Growing up in mixed-class state schools where we were taught to be understanding and respectful of everyone, perhaps made me oblivious to a class divide where the wealthier people wanted the less privileged to be invisible. Who knows. What I do know is, that I am very, very angry at what is happening there now. The way that the tenants of the Grenfell Tower are being treated is disgusting, and a lot of people need to be punished. I pray that things change for the better soon.

OUTFIT DETAILS: Off the shoulder pink top - H&M | Pink tulle skirt - Asos | High heel shoes - Chie Mihara


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