My blog is once more turning into a public personal diary. (Please excuse the oxymoron). I just don't know how not to be an open book. I might not be perfect, but I'm certainly transparent. I wear my heart on my sleeve. I feel intensely. I think profoundly. I give infinitely. And I love unconditionally. What you see with me, is what you get. However, all these qualities take their toll on me and fuel my anxiety whenever I'm in any type of toxic situation with poisonous, manipulative people who drain me.

I've had so much on my plate over the last few months or so, both professionally and personally, that I'm surprised I stayed strong for as long as I did. I was carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders, and no matter how hard I tried to be strong for everyone else, as well as myself, eventually the load got too much to bear and my anxiety started hitting the roof, and it led to a combination of insomnia and vertigo. That might sound trivial when said in such a fleeting manner, but the reality is no trivial affair at all.

A lot of people misunderstand vertigo as a simple fear of heights, or feeling dizzy. In my case it's not a fear of heights or just feeling dizzy. It's a loss of balance combined with the sensation that the world around me is spinning. It's a really scary experience that is paralyzing to me on the inside, but invisible on the outside to those around me. The closest experience I can compare it to, is that spinning feeling you get when you're drunk, or that off balance feeling you get when you're starting to get a bit tipsy. Well, imagine randomly getting that feeling out of the blue, for no apparent reason, at any time, at any place. It's scary, and it's paralyzing. It can last a few seconds, a few minutes, a few hours, or even days. - If not longer.

I was in desperate need of a change of scenery, so when my friend Bea invited me to go to Cuenca with her for the day I agreed. She's the other girl in these photos. She always looks amazing. Very elegant and chic. How could I do not show you guys her look for this trip? (With her permission, of course). I had no idea what to wear, and then I found this old dress in a box stored away and I decided to wear it once again. I bought it during my obsession with 'ethnic inspired prints' phase. The dress itself isn't very comfortable, but the print is cute, (although not flattering), and I love how it's colourful but not, at the same time. That's about all I have to say about this dress. So let's talk about the trip!

Cuenca is about a two hour drive away from Madrid by car, but there's not many curves or anything to get there, so it was do-able for me. Plus travelling by car meant that if we needed to stop, we could. The place itself, like most other old cities and towns in Spain, looks very medieval. It's like walking into a time machine and stepping out into the middle ages. Which is very exciting. Cuenca reminded me a lot of Toledo, but I think Toledo is prettier and perhaps bigger.

Our first stop was a theatrical explanation of the under ground shelters where people found refuge from the bombings during the Spanish Civil War. (1936-1939). Cuenca is full of them. The explanation they gave us was detailed but extremely interesting. It was theatrical and only cost 5€ to get in, which is super cheap! As we were in there, I started to cry. I could imagine the fear these people must have felt at that time, and the fear that people who live in current war zones must feel. My heart was literally breaking. I thought about my paternal grandparents (who were both spanish), who were alive during the war, and I wondered if that was why being in there had such a strong impact on me. Did I have transitional memories of the Spanich Civil War that I wasn't aware of before then? War is an evil crime. But why state the obvious?

We were also told about the Hanging Houses and the connections that were built between houses as the populations grew and the demand for housing went up. There is so much history in Spain, it's really worth checking out. Sadly we didn't eat any of the local food, so I can't talk about that, but we were recommended some excellent places to eat, so we trust that we could have eaten some amazing food had we chosen to eat there. I have eaten the local food in Toledo, and I can honestly say that stuff is amazing! All in all, it was an amazing day, with great company and a complete disconnect. So if that's what you need, I recommend this plan! BTW, I know that in previous post I said I'd talk about being fat shamed, but I don't want this post to be unnecessarily long. Right now, I'm counting my blessings and thanking God that I am surrounded by so many good people who constantly show me their love and appreciation of me. That's the most important thing in life. Being around people who love you unconditionally, who leave you with beautiful memories that not even all the money in the universe could ever buy. *smiles*


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