LITTLE BLACK DRESS
Every woman deserves to have at least one item of clothing her closet that makes her feel beautiful and special. That something you know you can reach out for and suddenly feel amazing. A real pick-me-up item that is faithful to your personal style and instantly makes you feel like a million dollars. This dress is all of that (and more) to me. I cannot help feeling absolutely adorable in this dress. You can see my first ost on this dress (styled differently), by CLICKING HERE.
At first I was a bit uncomfortable about having (what to me) was a bit too much cleavage on show, but I soon got over that. I was also feeling a bit self conscious about my arms. They are on the chunky side and I also have red spots on my upper arms which feel very dry to the touch. And yes, I think it looks ugly. Thing is though, I find that if I expose my arms to the sun enough, they tend to go away, so I am forcing myself to get over it and go sleeveless. That said however, whenever anyone reached out and touched my upper arms, I felt myself become very self conscious and as if I wanted to ground to swallow me whole. - Yes, I have insecurities about my body, despite having come a very long way on this journey, and not having had a 'fat day' in years. I wish I could make peace with ALL of me, and not just my fat. One thing at a time, Rebeca. One thing at a time! I still remember being a teenager, and a young adult in my early to late 20s (I suddenly feel very old), and feeling extremely frustrated about my body. I hated everything about how I looked. It was a regular occurrence for me to change a million times over before leaving my house, only to end up in tears with piles and piles of clothes all around me as I cringed with frustration, embarrassment, and disgust over myself. Even cancelling on people at the last minute, because I thought I had nothing to wear and I felt I was too ugly to even leave my house. Nobody should ever feel that way about themselves. Ever. thank God I haven't felt that way in years - and I hope those thoughts and feelings never ever come back again. If the only thing I feel self conscious about now, is a few red spots on my upper arms, then I know for a fact that I have made a humongous amount of progress. There is also an issue with body hair, but we can talk about that another day. For now I want to focus on the positives. I want to share with the world how good this dress makes me feel, and how far I have come on my body image journey.
A lot of people in my everyday life misunderstand my being a fashion blogger, my fascination with makeup - and my constantly taking selfies of my makeup. Some people think it makes me arrogant. That I am in love with myself. That I think I am the most beautiful person to have ever lived. I wish those things were true about me. I wish I could always feel beautiful. I wish my feeling beautiful didn't always have to depend so much on what I am wearing. But I am working on it, and this is my way of making changes. Is the problem me, or other people being judgemental? I think it's a combination of both, but the most important thing, is that this is helping me to not feel the horrid feelings I used to feel about myself; and if this is what it takes for me to get over that, then this is what I will do. I am fighting my demons and not letting the haters get me down. The people who know me the best, are always telling me about I need to learn to be more selfish. They are always telling me about how I do so much for others, and not enough for me. Well, this is me doing something for myself. Maybe it's not everyone's idea of a good idea, but that doesn't make it wrong. And if I can inspire at least one other person out there who is a similar position to me, to feel good about themselves, then my job here is done! I'm all about making other people feel happy and beautiful, and my blog is only one side of that.