HEALTHY & CURVY
Fat girl issues (yes, I am unapologetic about using the word fat to describe my outer appearance), go much deeper than finding the clothes we like in our size. Being overweight has a whole range of consequences to it. Some we can control, others we can't. Some are a matter of mind over body. Some just, are. And to top it all up, we are bombarded with judgement from everyone around us. Even from those we are closest too. If a stranger tries to humiliate me or reject me only because I am fat, I can shrug it off and not give it a second thought. That stranger doesn't know me, and if that stranger is so judgmental, then they are no loss to me. Luckily I can't think of too many instances when I have been bullied or rejected just because of my being fat - not even when it comes to guys and dating. I've never had an issue with getting male attention, or dates from decent and respectable guys. Most of the negative judgement I have received, has come from those closest to me. What really hurts, is when those who should know me the best, and who should love me unconditionally, pretty much excuse the bad behaviour of others, (even if it is only potential negativity that hasn't actually happened yet), and almost validate it as something that is my own fault for 'allowing' myself to get so fat, - As I said, this is often done with the intention of trying to encourage me to loose weight, and is often accompanied with the words, "And I say this out of love". It goes without saying that that dynamic is destructive and counterproductive. My advice to any victim of bullying, no matter what size you are, is "It's not you. It's them." I am so much more than the body I live in, the number on the scales, and the size of my clothes. And so are you. The sad thing is, it has taken years for me to realize this fact. Funnily though, I have never been a settler. I have never settled for less than I deserve in any area of my life.
Yet no matter how confident you are, this doesn't put a lid of the judgement and prejudice that exists based on a persons size. The fact is, we have no idea what stage someone is at with their body weight. For all we know, that fat person you are judging for being so fat, might have just lost five stone on their journey to try and loose ten stone. You just don't know, so stop judging. People decide to loose weight or stay at a certain weight for all sorts of reasons, from aestetics to health. In my case, it's all about health. Not all overweight people have health issues, but sadly I did, and it probably had a lot to do with my poor diet choices as an adult, which eventually lead to health complications. The opinion of others has nothing to do with my wanting to loose weight again though. It honestly doesn't. At all. When I say this is purely about health, I mean it.
I was doing so well last summer. I had been suffering with extreme symptoms of diabetes for months, but I never thought it had anything to do with my sugar levels. Then in August I was diagnosed prediabetic during a general routine blood check which I demanded my Doctor order for me. My mother's side of the family is full of diabetics, almost all of those relatives have had legs amputated, in some cases both legs, and had premature deaths due to complications from their diabetes. I have no intention of dying anytime soon, and I do not want to be an amputee if I can avoid it. There is so much I still want to to achieve, and it would be stupid of me to not take control of my health in order to retain control over my life. To continue dreaming, and making those dreams a reality. I am a go-getter, and ever since I was a child, I have had a knack for making my dreams a reality. I have no intention of stopping now! So I went into panic mode, and turned my diet around one million percent. My health improved, and within eight weeks my blood tests all came back normal, and the weight just dropped off as a side effect. I never went hungry. I was eating more than ever before, but it had become a matter of quality over quantity. I ate very little before, but it was mostly poor quality in terms of nutrition. I was raised by a mother who prided herself in her culinary skills. She made almost everything from scratch and there were always vegetables and fruit in the house and on our plates. My diet was varied and wholesome growing up, which probably explains why I was such a strong and healthy child. Yes, there was too much sugar (and carbs) in there, but there are hidden sugars everywhere, so we'll save that for another day (probably on my health blog). But I was raised on home made meals and as an adult I put my mothers example to shame. Until last summer that is.
Then I started working again. This new school I am at now, is a funny little place, and the work load meant I wasn't taking as much care of my diet or health like I had done when I was job seeking. I deeply regret that now. I am a big workaholic, and I ended up doing what I said I would never do again. I put work before my health. But it's never too late to make changes. I only have a month to go on my contract, and then I am unemployed again. My number one goal during that time is to get my health back. I've done it before, so I know I can do it again! Sadly I can't do too too much in the way of exercise because of my back problems, but I am thinking of taking up some gentle exercise, such as pilates. I have to do more research on that sort of thing though.
You know, I can really feel the difference since going back to old bad habits. I have gone back to feeling sluggish, not as clear headed, not sleeping as well as I should be. I am lucky I have good skin from head to toe. I have acne prone skin, but my breakouts are usually just one big painful spot a month, and I have no cellulite anywhere, and I have one or two very faint stretchmarks on my hips which you wouldn't notice unless I pointed them out to you. And those are from puberty. I'm like a rubber band that just goes back into place. I guess most people would consider me lucky, but I am assuming there is only so much my body can take before it breaks down again. Like I said, I already feel sluggish and the rest. It's not nice at all, and I want to go back to feeling alert and energized!
Finally, if you are only here for the fashion posts, then please, disregard this post. If you are interested in getting healthy and allowing your food to be your medicine, then you are more than welcome to follow my other blog about my health journey, FOOD WILL BE MY MEDICINE, (which I have abandoned since not sticking to my strict healthy lifestyle). The link to that is in the side bar. I plan to do supermarket haul videos on that channel, as well as share healthy recipes. My kitchen is miniscule, so have to figure out how to make videos in there of my cooking, but I'm sure I'll be able to figure something out.
So, if you notice I am starting to shrink, this is why. I am not doing this out of social pressure, or for anyone other than myself and my health.
(Pronto viene la traduccion al espanol)