Gold & Modesty


Hello Beauties, 

Today I bring you a #BloggerSharingStylePost. I was invited to participate in this challenge by #MisPapelicos and was delighted to participate. The theme was gold, and I grabbed the opportunity to post an outfit that I'd had in mind for several weeks now, with a hint of gold accessories. My friend Cerise took these photos for me yesterday on our lazy sunday at home, so big thank yous to her for being photographer for the day. She's a friend I've had since childhood who has come over to spend a few days with me in Madrid who also has a fashion blog. She's not posting much at all these days, which is a shame since she has fantabulous style! I suggest you go over to her blog and show here some love here :)

Hola Bellezas,

Hoy os traigo un #BloggerSharingStylePost Me invitó #MisPapelicos a participar, y yo encantada. El tema era oro, asi que aproveché para publicar un look que tenia en mente hacia semanas con toques de oro en los complementos. Mi amiga Cerise me hizo las fotos durante nuestro domingo vago en casa, asi que muchisimas gracias a ella por ser la fotografa del dia. Es una amiga desde mi infancia que ha venido a pasar unos dias conmigo aqui en Madrid y que tmb tiene un blog de moda. Ultimamente ella no publica nada, lo cual es una lastima cuando ella tiene un estilo fantabuloso! Os sugiero que os paseis por su blog y le muestren amor, aqui :)


The title of this post, Gold & Modesty, is inspired by the challenge/style theme, combined with an idea about modesty which has been floating around in my head for some time now. I can honestly say I have reached a point in my body image journey where I feel comfortable in my body. I no longer have fat days and I have no desire to loose weight for aesthetic reasons, even though I am at my biggest. I am unapologetic about my wearing whatever I want, and unlike when I was a teenager, I do not consider my being fat to be an obstacle. I use the word 'obstacle' in reference to many ideas, which I shall explain. Growing up I was constantly told that if I remained big, or got fatter, I would be a failure in life. A reject who would never be loved, who was condemned to always look frumpy and live in black baggy clothes like someone who was in perpetual mourning, to hide her ugly fat with shame and 'modesty'. Modesty back then, was about knowing my place in the world as a fat girl. Understanding and accepting that my fat was something ugly, that nobody wanted to see. Something that gave others a license or a right to value me as an inferior human being before knowing me as a person first. The irony being, that most of the fat-shaming I experienced, came from the adults closest to me, who should have been building up my confidence. Not of knocking it.

El titulo de este blog, que traducido al español significa 'Oro y Modestia', está inspirado por el reto de este estilo, y mi idea sobre la modestia que anda rondado por mi cabeza desde hace ya varias semanitas. Os puedo decir con sinceridad que he llegado a un punto en mi viaje de auto-imagen donde me siento comoda en mi cuerpo. Ya no sufro con 'dias-de-gorda' y no tengo ganas de adelgazar por estetica, a pesar de estar en mi peso mas elevado de toda mi vida. Me pongo lo que me da la gana sin pedir disculpas, y en diferencia a cuando era adolesente, ya no veo a mi gordura como algo que es un obstaculo, cosa que os iré explicando. Uso la palabra 'obstaculo' para referirme a varias cosas. De niña constantemente me recordaban que si me quedaba gordita, o que si me engoradaba mas, sería una fracasada de la vida. Una despreciada que jamás nadie le querria, que estaria condenada a ir siempre de ropa ancha y negra como si estuviera perpetuamente de luto, para esconder su gordura tan fea con verguenza y modestia. La modestia en aquellos tiempos se trataba de saber cual era mi lugar en el mundo gracias a mi condicion de gorda. Era comeprender y aceptar que mi gordura era algo feo, que nadie jamas queria ver. Algo que le daba al resto del mundo licencia o derecho, a menos valorarme sin conocerme como persona primero. Los mas irónico, es que la mayoria de los comentarios despereciativos sobre mi peso venian de los adultos mas cercanos a mi, quienes han debido de subir mi auto-estima. No derrumbarmela.


So a few years ago, in my mid to late twenties, the idea of wearing slightly more revealing or fitted clothes, and slightly less modesty, on my fat body, was about rebellion and self liberation. Rebellion against the dogma imposed against us fatties. Rebellion against what was truly ugly, which was the excluding mentality and attitudes against fat folk by the fashion industry, mainstream media, and often, society itself. I wasted my teenage years hating myself, feeling ugly and being insecure, because I was fat. As the years went by, and my weight yo-yo-ed up and down, it finally became time to get a grip. It was time to stop obsessing about my size and to start positively embracing everything that made me, me. It became time for me to embrace my own idea of beauty, and to start seeing myself as someone who I love, instead of someone I hate. I have fought hard to be who I am today, and I am proud of my journey, my struggle, and who I have become. I needed to go through my 'fashion rebellion' phase in order to get to where I am now. 

Asi que hace unos añitos, en mis veintes, la idea de vestirme con ropa un pelin mas reveladora o justada, y con un pelin de menos modesta, sobre mi cuerpo gordo, se trataba de rebelarme y liberarme. Rebelarme en contra de lo que verdaderamente es feo, que es esa mentalidad y actitud de exclusion encontra de los gordos por parte de la industria de la moda, los medios de comunicacion, y la sociedad en general. Desperdicié mi adolesencia odiandome a mi misma, sintiendome fea y siendo insegura, porque era gorda. Mientras los ańos pasaban, y mi peso subia y bajaba constantemente, llegó el momento para yo tomar el control. Era el momento para dejar la obsesion con mi talla y comenzar a acoger con positividad todo lo que me hace a mi, yo. Habia llegado la hora para yo acoger mi propia idea sobre lo que es la belleza, y mirarme a mi misma como alguien a quien amo, y dejar de mirarme como a alguien a quien odio. He luchado para ser quien soy hoy, y me siento orgullosa de mi viaje, de mi lucha, y en quien me he convertido. Para mi fue necesario pasar por mi epoca de 'rebelion de moda' para llegar a donde he llegado ahora.


Had I not taken any fashion risks and broken so many fashion rules, I would probably still be hiding under baggy black clothes, and putting limits on myself because of my size. Nobody should ever feel the way I used to feel about my body, which is the main reason why I blog. People can judge and misunderstand fashion/style blogging as something completely superficial and narcissistic. Surely we have better things to do than to dolly up, take photos of ourselves, and then put them on-line. In a world full of poverty and 'real struggles', is what we wear and how we look really that important? Yes, it is. If you are told by everyone that you must conform to a particular aesthetic to be a well liked and successful member of society or a community, you will want to be as close to that ideal as possible. Especially when you are younger. If not fitting that idea makes you insecure or miserable in some way, the repercussions can be detrimental. I'm not saying that absolutely everyone feels the need to conform to their environment image-wise, but to some degree we all do. Naturally, if you are pressured to conform from an early age, that will have an impact on you. I'm also not saying, dress to impress or conform. I'm saying there is a reality out there where are judged on how we look, and we have the power to control how we want to come across, and how much we want to conform. I know I have the right to dress how I please, and I don't have to care too much about the opinions of others.

Sino huberia tomado riesgos con mi estilo, ni hubiera roto tantas normas, quizás todavia estaria escondiendome detras de ropa ancha y negra, auto-imponiendome limitaciones a base de mi talla y peso. Nadie deberia saber lo que es sentir lo que yo sentia sobre mi cuerpo, que es la razón principal por la que tengo este blog. La gente puede juzgar y mal entender un blog de moda y estilismo, como algo completamente superficial y narcisista. Sin lugar a dudas, seguro que tenemos cosas que hacer que arreglarnos, sacarnos fotos a nosotras mismas, para luego publicarlas en internet. En un mundo lleno de pobreza y 'luchas reales', es verdaderamente importante como nos vemos y qué nos ponemos? Si. Si que lo es. Si de todos lados te insisten que tienes que conformar tu imagen para ser gustada y un miembro exitoso de la sociedad o alguna comunidad, vas a querer estar lo mas cerca posible a ese ideal. Sobre todo cuando eres muy muy joven. Si el no cumplir con ese ideal te causa inseguridad o miseria alguna, las repercusiones pueden ser detrementales. No quiero decir que absolutamente todo el mundo se conforma a su entorno con su apariencia, aunque todos lo hacemos hasta algun punto. Naturalmente, si te presionan desde pequeñita, eso va a tener un impacto. No os digo que tenemos que vestirnos para agradar a los demas. Estoy diciendo que hay una realidad donde somos juzgados y juzgamos basado en las apariencias, y que nosotros tenemos control sobre como queremos mostrarnos, y hasta qué punto nos queremos conformar. Yo se que yo tengo el derecho de vestirme como a mi me gusta, y no me tiene porque importar lo que opinen los demas.


Happy societies start with happy individuals. Strong communities start with strong families. A happy mind leads to a happy body, and it is mental stability that truly matters. No matter how thin you are. No matter how much you manage to control your weight and get down to that dress size you always dreamed of. If your obsession with your weight never leaves you, and you are petrified to put weight on, you will never be truly happy with yourself. Eating disorders aren't just about disorderly dietary habits. It is a behavior resulting from a negative mentality and unhealthy self-perception which can later lead to an unhealthy body. I'm not saying go out there and pig out, or that being overweight has no potential health risks. I'm saying that there are health risks at every size. Not every diet that keeps you thin is a healthy one, and not every fat body is an unhealthy body. I'm also saying, do what you know to be the right thing by yourself, and love your body for all the amazing things it can do, and not hate it for how it doesn't look. Wear what you like. Do the things you dream of doing. Smile at life and let the right people in. Give thanks, be grateful, forgive those who offend you and ask forgiveness for your own wrong doings.

Sociedades felizes comienzan con individuos felizes. Comunidades fuertes comienzan con familias fuertes. Una mente feliz te lleva a un cuerpo feliz, y es la estabilidad mental que verdaderamente importa. Da igual lo delgada que seas. Da igual lo que seas capaz de controlar tu peso y que llegues a alcanzar esa talla con la que siempre has soñado. Si tu obsesion con tu peso sigue presente, y te da panico aumentar, nunca serás verdaderamente feliz. Trastornos alimenticios no se tratan solo de una dieta retorcida. Es un comportamiento que resulta de una mentalidad no sana y/o negativa y una percepcion de uno mismo no sana, y que puede hacernos acabar en un cuerpo no sano. No todas las dietas que te mantienen flaca son sanas, ni todos los cuerpos gordos tienen mala salud. No os estoy diciendo que se vayan a comer a lo bestia. Estoy diciendo que hagais lo que sabeis que está bien hacia a vosotras mismas. Amen sus cuerpos por todas las cosas maravillosas que puede hacer, y no le odies por como no se ve. Vistete como te de la gana. Haz las cosas con las que sueñas hacer. Sonriele a la vida y deja entrar a la gente correcta. Da gracias, se agradecido, perdona a quien te ofende y pide perdon si tu ofendes.


Today, modesty means something new to me. It's no longer a negative. It's no longer a word I use to describe or explain the act of hiding my body out of shame, and a subsconscious yet irrational fear of provocing disgust in others because I am fat.  It's no longer about self-body-hating. Today modesty for me is about protecting my intimacy. About deciding where I want gazes to go. It's about knowing what type of attention I want to get. It's about truly understanding who I am and what impression I want to make without having to utter an word. Don't get me wrong. It's not about dressing to impress. It's about knowing how my own actions can influence the attitude others will have towards me. It wasn't that I didn't know all that before. I just wasn't as aware of it as I am now, in the sense that I used to see covering up as being limited to hiding my body because I saw it as ugly, and somehow covering up to hide it was being imposed upon me, rather than a choice I was making freely, based on being dignified. For example, I was a teenager in the 90s, when bearing your mid-drift was all the rage, but, unlike now, I never dared let my tummy see the light of day because in my eyes, my tummy was unworthy. I wanted to feel beautiful. Like most teenagers, I wanted to embrace fashion and take pleasure in dressing how I liked, but for years I didn't dare. Having an over protective mother who never let me choose my own clothes, ever, didn't help either. I wasn't confident and I was afraid of ridicule, and everywhere I turned, my fears were confirmed. Those years were such a waste of time and I thank God that I got over it.

Hoy, modestia significa algo nuevo para mi. Ya no es negativo. No esuna palabra que empleo para describir o explicar el acto de esconder mi cuerpo por erguenza, o una subconsiente e irracional temor a que yo pueda provocar asco en los demas porque soy gorda. Ya no se trata de odiar mi cuerpo. Hoy la modestia para se trata de proteger mi intimidad. De decicir yo donde quiero que me miren. Se trata de verdaderamente comprender quien soy y cual impresion quiero dar sin decir ni una palabra. No se trata de vestirme para impresionar a los demas. Se trata de entender como mis acciones pueden influenciar la actitud que los demas tengan hacia mi. No es que yo no supiera todo eso antes. Es que antes no estaba tan consiente de eso como lo estoy ahora, en el sentido de que antes si me tapaba, era para esconder mi cuerpo porque me parecia feo, y era algo que me habia impuesto, en vez de ser una eleccion que yo tomase libremente por mi propia voluntad, basada en dignidad. Por ejemplo, yo era adolescente en los 90s, cuando ir con la tripita al aire era la super moda, pero, en diferencia a ahora, yo jamás me atreví a dejar que mi tripa viese la luz del dia, porque en mis ojos, mi tripa no era digna. Yo queria sentirme bella. Como la mayoria de las adolescentes, yo tambien queria ir a la moda y disfrutar de ponerme guapa, pero durante años no me atreví. Teniendo una madre sobre protectora que no me permitia a eligir mi propia ropa, jamás, no me ayudaba tampoco para poder ir como a mi me gustaba. No tenia autoestima y tenia miedo a las burlas, y por donde quiera que miraba, todos mis miedos se confirmaban. Esos años fueron una tremenda perdida de mi tiempo y doy Gracias a Dios que lo he superado.


Advances in plus size fashion and body-acceptance activism has certainly helped, and made the struggle that little bit easier, but the battle still has some way to go. In the media, plus size women are still being portrayed as one extreme or the other on the "sexual objectification spectrum", as I call it. We are either the epitomy of eternal chastity because we are led to believe that nobody wants us and we are all miserable rigid creatures, or the embodiment of nothing more than sexual objects who are easy out of desperation to get whatever we can, - again, because of this false notion that nobody wants us or finds us physically attractive. I would say though, that in everyday life, out here in the real world, not only are both those extremes absurd, they are rare. So why is the media not representing the middle ground, which is the norm? We live in a world that has distorted our purpose in life, and reduced our value to how much society and other individuals find our physique appealing and sexually desireable, - or not, - and apparently fatties are not to be found attractive. How many of us who have been told that if we are fat, we will never find a boyfriend, or a man who will us seriously enough to want to marry us? How many magazines are filled with fad diets so that we can allow ourselves to wear certain clothes, and feel attractive and confident based on our outward appearance? It's the last battle of feminism. We can be pretty much anything we want, but we cannot be fat. It's the last ounce of control to be had over women. That said, women of all sizes are objectified, and I have no problem with women who are happy to be objectified. Each to their own. I have no right to judge others, and I appreciate a compliment as much as the next person. But it is one thing to be given a compliment, and quite another to be objectified. I am worth so much more than whether or not someone finds me attractive or not. 

Los progresos en el mundo de las modas de talla grande, y el activismo de auto-aceptarte tal como eres, ha ayudado y facilitado la lucha, pero la batalla aun tiene mucho trabajo que hacer. En los medios de comunicación, a las mujeres gordas se nos siguen mostrando como un extremo u otro en el "espectro de la objetivación de la mujer", o asi le llamo yo.  Solo nos muestran de dos formas. Somos la epitome de la castidad eterna porque nos quieren hacer creer que nadie nos desea y que somos rigidas y miserables, o sino, el otro extremo que somos la encarnación de la mujer facil, gracias a una supuesta teoria que como nadie nos desea, entonces toda mujer gorda sufre de desesperacion, y por ello se conforma con lo que puede pillar. Yo diria que en la vida cotidiana, en el mundo real, ambos extemos no son solo absurdos, sino rarezas. Entonces por qué los medios de comunicacnion no muestran un termino medio, que refleja mas la realidad? Vivimos en un mundo que ha distorcionado nuestro proposito en la vida, y ha rebajado nuestro valor exclusivamente segun hasta donde la sociedad y otros individuos nos ven como atractivos - o no - y seguna 'la leyenda', los gordos no pueden ser atractivos. A cuantas de nosotras nos han dicho que si somos gordas, nunca vamos a tener novio, ni un hombre que nos tome en serio como para pedirnos matrimonio? Cuantas revistas hay que dietas tontas para que nos podamos permitir vestir con determinadas prendas, y sentirnos atractivas y confidentes basadas en nuestra apariencia externa? Es la ultima lucha del feminismo, porque es el ultimo trozo de control que hay sobre la mujer. Podemos ser lo que queremos ser, pero no podemos ser gordas. Dicho todo eso, todas la mujeres, sean de la talla que sea, son objetivisadas, y no tengo ningun problema con un mujer que se cree feliz siendo objetivisada. Para los gustos colores, y no tengo ningun derecho de juzgar a los demas. A mi me gusta que hagan cumplidos igual que a todo el mundo. Pero es una cosa que suelten un cumplido o un piropo, y es otra cosa completamente que se solo te objetivisen. Yo valgo mucho mas que simplemente el saber si soy atractiva a otros o no.


Generally speaking though, whether we like it or not, all of us are judged by everyone else, and we judge others to some degree, based on how we present ourselves. Today, if I choose to dress modestly, or not, it is my choice. I have no issues with wearing clothes that are revealing, even if it means revealing a bit of tummy, but I know where to put my limits. Not out of fear or fat shame, but out of dignity. (I'd dress the same, even if I was thin). Out of knowing what I am worth and how I deserve to be treated. Acknowledging the reality that we live in a highly judgemental world, and although I cannot change that, I do my bit with my day to day life, but treating both myself and others with respect and love, and hope that I get treated the same. How I present myself is only the first page. I have to have character to back up my first impression. I am not an object. I am a human being. I am no better and no worse than the next person. Confidence doesn't come from extremes, one way or the other. Confidence, is balance. It's knowing who you are and being okay with that. It's having the discipline to change what you can if you want to change it. It's about being able to say no without having to explain yourself. It's being able to decide who you do and do not allow into your life without succumbing to peer pressures. Confidence is not about the number on the scales or the number on the label of your dress. Confidence is not about everyone finding you desireable. Confidence is not about changing yourself to please others. Confidence is not thinking that you are somehow better than everyone else. It comes from loving and accepting yourself just as you are. It takes time and work to get there, but believe you me, it is oh so so worth it!!!

Hablando en general, nos guste o no, todos juzgamos y somos juzgados por los demas segun como nos presentamos. Hoy, si eligo ir modesta, o no, es mi eleccion. No tengo ningun problema con ponerme ropa que muestra algo de mi cuerpo, pero se donde poner mis limites. No por miedo por ser gorda, sino por dignidad. (Me vestiria igual que ahora, si fuese flaca). Se trata de saber que yo valgo y se como merezco ser tratada. Reconociendo que vivimos en un mundo lleno de juicios, y que aunque yo no pueda hacer un enorme cambio, puedo poner de mi parte en mi dia a dia, tratandome a mi misma y a los de mas con respeto y amor, y tener la esperanza que a lo mejor me vayan a pagar con la misma moneda. Mi apariencia externa es solo la primera pagina. Tengo que tener el caracter que respalde mis apariencias. No soy un objeto. Soy un ser humano. No soy mejor ni peor que nadie. La auto-confianza en uno mismo y la autoestima no viene atravez de comportamientos extremos. La confianza está en el equilibrio. Es saber quien eres, y estar a gusto con quien eres. Tener la disciplina de cambiar lo que puedes, si es que quieres. Es saber y poder decir no sin dar explicaciones. Es poder decidir a quien quieres y a quien no quieres en tu vida sin caer en presiones ajenas. Tu auto estima no depende del numero que marque el peso ni el numero en la etiqueta de tu vestido. La auto confianza no viene de saber que vas por la vida con todos deseandote. La autoconfianza no viene de cambiarte a ti misma para complacer a los de mas. La auto estima no viene de creerte mejor que los demas. Viene de amarte y aceptarte, tal cual como eres. Demora un tiempo y requiere esfuerzo para alcanzar esa meta, pero creeme cuando te digo, que vale la pena!!!


I could probably write more on this, but I won't. I hope that you have a fabulous week!
Until next time, stay happy, love youself, and take control!

xox

Podria esciribir mas sobre el tema, pero no lo voy a hacer.  Os deso una semana fabulosa!
Hasta la proxima, sigan felices, amense, y tomen control!

xox

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