THE BULLIED

Hello Beauties, 

Today I won't be bringing you an outfit post. I spent lastnight at A&E with severe abdominal pain on my left side. I felt like I was dying. I think it was cramps and they were trapping my nerves - or something like that. In anycase, it was very painful. They gave me an injection which burned so bad. They gave it to me in my bum cheek and told me to walk as much as possible for as long as possible for the burning sensation to pass. I still feel sore today, and extremely tired. Luckily I have a cousin who is a doctor at that hospital which made the experience less traumatizing. I was prescribed some really strong tablets which I've been warned could cause me tummy ache. Uf. But I will live.

I am a survivor.

Speaking of which, I wanted to share this really touching video I came across today. As someone who was bullied her entire life, who grew up hating herself and wishing herself dead, I completely understand other victims of bullying. It has taken me a long time to like and love myself, flaws and all. People are very quick to dismiss school bullying as something trivial. It's not. Bullying, is abuse. And I got the roughest of the rough making my life a living hell, day in and day out, throughout my entire childhood and teenage years. I forgave the bullies a long time ago, because now I know that most of them were hurting me because they were hurting really badly first, and bullying me, was their coping mechanism. It doesn't make what they did right, or OK. But can you really bare a grudge against someone who is already broken and hurting, and just acting out?


Out of all the people who made my life a living hell, only one person has ever been brave enough to contact me as an adult and actually apologize for her behaviour all those years ago, and to tell me that I never deserved to have been treated like that. I cried so much when I read her words. Luckily, I wasn't holding any of that against anyone, so it was OK. I accepted her applogy and told her that I thought she was brave. It takes a big person to do something like that, and not all bullies - generally speaking - grow out of their bullying ways, and most never accept that they were ever bullies. In any case, I don't think about those days much, and there are many things I don't even remember anymore. Reading diaries from my school days can be tough though. Even reading school reports by my teachers can be tough too. The way they would write about how they couldn't understand why the other pupils seem to dislike me so much, followed by anecdotes that not only baflled me, but also my teachers. That said, to this day, I still believe teachers have a lot to do with whether or not a child gets bullied. I had one teacher, who whenever I was in her class, I never had problems with the bullying. Nobody dared to hurt me. And I would find myself having friends. I love that woman as if she were my second mother, and when I found out she passed away, it was as if a peice of me had died too. I can't even think about her without crying. Even as I type this, tears are following down my face in abundance. All the schools where I have worked, I am very quick to spot the kid that everyone else shows hate to, and I am very quick to put a stop to it. (I say show hate to, because most people, including children, are sheep and followers. They will show hate to whoever the ring-leader hates, to gain favour with the ring leader). A lot of my colleagues at the schools where I have worked, have struggled to understand why I do this. They still see bullying as a natural part of growing up. Something that will make you tougher. It doesn't make you tougher. It breaks you. Emotionally, and mentally, it destroys you. And things are only getting worse. The bullies are getting nastier, and nastier, as children loose their innocence earlier, and earlier as they generations fly by. You have to be tough to start out with for the toughness to kick in afterwards. I guess I was tough. This doesn't mean I have a perfect life. I'm overly sensitive to things. I'm constantly in alert mode and quick to  defend myself. I have serious issues with trust. I struggle to accept that people might actually like me, and care about me. I am thirty years old. Nobody is bullying now, yet I am acutely aware, that someone might. Don't get me wrong. I am not conflictive. (I think). But I might not take a joke as lightly as someone who hasn't been exposed to the abuse I have. I'm not talking about petty name calling. I'm talking about rough, lowest of the low type dramas. Physical, verbal, and mental abuse. It always makes me laugh when people look at me now, and they assume I must have been really popular at school. Well, no I wasn't. Anyway, I'm saying too much here, and this isn't what my blog is about.

So, without further dalay, here is that video I wanted to share with you all:






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