I know. I've been quite MIA for a long time now. I moved house, I started a new job two weeks ago, (which I love!!!), and my blogging has taken a backseat. My house is a hot mess. I am surrounded by boxes and virtually no storage space. (The storage space I was hiring, was a rip off, so I got rid of it and brought everything home). So I am going through all the stuff I own, deciding what to keep, what to bin, and what to give away. I've thought about selling any clothes I don't wear much, but I'm terrible at selling things. I set up a separate blog for that, but again, it's trying to find time to actually photograph everything and then uploading it. Uf. Even my Instagram-ing has declined. At my old house there were these massive mirrors in the main entrance, which is where I would take my almost daily ootd pics for Instagram. I no longer live there, and my new place doesn't have those giant mirrors, so unless I get someone to take a pic for me, (which I don't feel comfortable asking my colleagues to do yet, because I am so new),  then I have no way of uploading too many ootds on there. It can be annoying. Yesterday I wore something I really wanted to post, but I found myself running around doing errands all day like a headless chicken, and not taking pics for the blog. I do have a tripod, but then that means taking photos outdoors, running the risk of my colleagues / teenage students catch me having a random DIY photo session, and then having to answer too many questions. My blog isn't a dirty secret. It's just not the first thing I want people to know about me. I know, all that probably sounds like a bunch of lame excuses. Surely if you take something seriously, you make time for it. The truth is, that people who make time for stuff, are people who have time to do stuff. 

I miss blogging and instagram-ing regularly.  I feel like I'm out of synch. I do make the effort to keep following and checking out as many blogs as I can, but it's completely different to maintaining your own blog. People who don't have blogs don't realize how much time goes into blogging. (And no, I don't mean that in a patronizing way. I love blogging no matter what, but you have to have time to blog). Taking photos for each blog post takes at least half an hour, and then going through all those photos to pick the ones you are happy to upload is another time consuming process. Not to mention editing, deciding what to call your post, and deciding what to say in your post, if anything at all. No, I'm not having a moan, I'm just trying to explain how I've ended up being MIA. I have a full time job again, and there's stuff I have to do in the evenings. I barely find the time to fix my house, and it's really annoying. So far I have only managed to keep the bathroom and kitchen in any sort of decent order. My living room is flooded with boxes, and piles of books and teaching material all over the place. My bedroom is also flooded with boxes, but also piles of clothes and shoes, and my wardrobe is pretty much packed as well. I've managed to organize my make-up into a small cabinet in my bedroom, but that's about as far as order goes in there. It's actually really embarrassing, and very few people have been allowed into my house since I moved in. 

Of course, I've invested in furniture, but it's not enough. I need to get more of those shelving units from IKEA, but I've decided to do a massive clear out first, and then decide what to get once I know exactly what I am going to keep. I used to live alone, and then went back to house sharing.  When I went back to house-sharing, I put heaps of stuff in storage, which is why now, I have so much stuff. The place I was renting alone was in an area of Madrid which I was completely unfamiliar with, and the housing there was terrible. The place was literally collapsing in on itself with damp, condensation, mould and cockroaches. I was only there for about two or three months, and I was ill the whole time from the mould. The landlady had the cheek to blame me for all of that, and refused to return some of my intital money. Luckily I had home insurance on the place, and a surveyor came round and confirmed that the place was not fit for anyone to live there, I was not responsible for any of the damages, and the damages were chronic. He also confirmed that I had been cheated, as the place had been painted and aired right before I went to view the property. I liked it because it was quaint and had character. It was what they called a 'Corrala' out here. It's always been a 'poor people' type of property, (hope I don't sound snobby here), and I've been told that the shared patio area originally used to function as a theatre. That was how the people who first lived there managed to earn any sort of living. Perhaps it's the artist in me that fell in love with the patio? I don't know. All I know now is, that I should never have moved in there. 

Although I don't regret the decision, because I learnt from it, and anything that teaches us a lesson, is an experience worth having. 

From there, I put almost all of my stuff in storage, (which is now all at my new place, hence all the boxes and needing to go through stuff and deciding what to keep, and what not to keep), and went on to several house-shares again. None really worked out though. Nowhere felt like home. Most started out ok, but ended up being really stressful. It's so horrible when the place you're supposed to call home, feels like a living hell hole. You can't be at peace there. You feel like you're stepping on egg shells. Constantly having to watch your back all the time. That must sound really paranoid, but trust me, I've had a lot of really nasty housemates, and very few decent ones. I've had housemates steal from me, accuse me of doing stuff I haven't done, and just being plain rude... (see my previous post Charming for an example of that rudeness). I've been very unlucky with my living arrangements since I moved to Madrid all those years ago. I know a lot of people out here who have had very similar experiences to the ones I've had. I remember in my first year, when I was here for just a school year with the British Council, there were people who had moved house at least ten times in nine months, because of horrid housemates. Some people managed to have really good house-sharing experiences, but they were very few and far-between. It's one of the reasons so many of my intial friends decided to leave Madrid and not come back. It was too much hassle. I stayed on another year because my employers asked me, and I'd never had a job before coming to Madrid. I'd dabbled in acting jobs on TV and stuff, but had never had a real 9-5 job, and I needed something to put on my CV other than occasional jobs in acting. Then I went back to London to complete my degree. After graduating, no decent job offers came up, and the Job Seekers people were really rude and patronizing, so when my old bosses told me they could get me teaching work in Madrid, I jumped at the chance. I really love teaching. It's really rewarding to see the children learn. I guess know it's the fierce maternal side of me that makes me love teaching so much. I plan to become a qualified teacher in the very near future, and hopefully find myself something stable with an indefinite contract. 

No, I know. I'm not your typical blogger who dreams of working in fashion. I'm not cut out for that environment. I love beauty, and I love playing dress-up, and that's it. Turning that love into a career, is just not for me. I have met many people who have or do work in fashion, and I hear all these stories about competitiveness, jealousy, malicious ambition, and so much bitching. I'm sure there are wonderful people working in fashion who are nothing like that, but judging from the stories I've heard, they seem to be a rarity, or don't get very far, even if they are very good at what they do. It also strikes me as being a very cliquey environment, and I don't have time for cliques and mean-girl type situations. I am 31 years old. (I know, I look and sound a lot younger), and I don't have the time, the willingness, or the immaturity to be tolerating such behavior from other people. Acting was a bit like that. I did a lot of extra work, and you'd be amazed at the amount of snobby wannabes you'd come across. Of course not everyone was like that, but a large number of them were! I found myself biting my tongue so many times on set, because it would have been unprofessional of me to express certain sentiments with words. I think you get what I mean. Drama queens desperately trying to catch the director's attention, maybe hoping, naively, that that will land them a big role. Meh. That's not how show business works, and very rarely do you find a genuine Cinderella story in Hollywood. So anyway, going back to the blog. My blog is my hobby. It's not a business. It's like my little personal-style diary on-line. It's my way of challenging ideals of beauty. Doing and wearing all the things fat girls are told they shouldn't do because they can't do them. I spent my whole life listening to well intentioned people convincing me that I had to loose weight if I was to ever have a full, happy and fulfilling life. Bla Bla Bla. All of that was a load of nonsense! I am fat and I am happy, and I do and wear whatever I want, and if I am not fulfilled in any are of my life, it is NOT because I am fat. It is because I come to be an adult in the middle of an economic crisis, where I take the jobs I can find in teaching, and where my living situation is a consequence of my employment situation. It happens to be the same with thin people in Madrid, as well. Everyone is taking what they can to get by economically. It is not the result of my being fat. Yes, I am currently on a nutrion plan which will inevitably lead to weightloss. It's not a diet, and it's not intended to make me happier, my life fuller, or fix any of my problems. It's just to make me a bit healthier.

Anyway, I am rambling now. I haven't even touched on what I wanted to say about my hair. All the headshots above are meant to show you how much longer my hair is now. I've been growing it out for several months now, and I'm really starting to notice how much longer it is now. My hair grows quickly, but I have to be carefully as it tends to be fragile. I'm still indulging in Almond oil, and laying off the heated styling and everyday washing. I also get trims every few months. Hopefully it'll be half way down my back by the summer. I can't wait to get more length in it so I can really start to wash and go and embrace my natural curls, more and more! 

And finally, here is my first vlog for 2014. I know, it's ridiculous and I'm just rambling along. My friends and I have had such a laugh at this. They say I come off as being completely nuts! LOL! I promise my next video will be about a set topic and I'll try not to ramble so much... 

And here are some of my Instgram OOTD looks:

In the future I plan to make more videos. Body image issues, beauty tutorials, and more.

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Thank you

x o x o x 

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